Chainsaws. Ropes. Knives. Axes. Blowtorches. Rubber gloves. Gas cans. Industrial strength power tools galore. This is no ordinary shopping list.

Young Steve Anderson thought he'd be a great man once. Alas, one year after graduating from a dubious college of ill repute with a B.S. in Philosophy no less, he is shocked, ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED, to discover that literally no one is willing to pay him to be a professional pontificator. Unemployed and desperate for dough, the lad takes a gig with the online shopping service Shop Buddy, schlepping grocery bags all over his quaint hometown of Fairmount Falls.

When one of his customers, Saul, a strange old man with something to hide, begins ordering all manner of weapons and dangerous equipment, Kendra, Steve's ex-girlfriend turned current boss sees red flags galore. Kidnapper. Serial killer. Mad bomber. Drug dealer. Special K's morbid theories abound, while Steve does what he does best - retain a state of utter obliviousness.

Paper or plastic? You decide! Just grab your shopping bags and watch out for that pesky algorithm as you dive into this humorous mystery tale, the first full-length novel written by personally noted, self-proclaimed internet humorist Bookshelf Q. Battler, a world renowned poindexter, an epic nerdventurer, a reviewer of pop cultural happenings, a champion yeti fighter, and now a novelist who is less depressed than Ernest Hemingway, less sexy than Stephen King, less funny than Mark Twain yet in a strange twist of irony, more paranoid than George Orwell. Grab your copy today, but just make sure Shop Buddy's cyber gremlins don't accidentally send you a life-sized statue of the late, great Bea Arthur forged from potato salad instead.

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• Literature & FictionHumour & SatireLiterary Humour

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• Print Length: 324 Pages
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